After countless hours of thought, tears, and screams, I can finally say that I’m free. You’ve given me some of the best days of my life and made me feel things I thought were only possible in my dreams. I’m not gonna lie, for the past month I’ve pretty much hated you. But now…part of me feels sorry for you. I’ve put you through a lot of needless crap. But I needed it. I needed to yell and cry and be irrational. I needed to say hurtful things. I needed to let myself believe you’re a horrible person, even when you’re not.
You’re amazing, really. I’ve always thought that. And even as I feel myself slipping out of love with you, I can still say you’re perfect. You’re going to go far, kid. You have a great head on your shoulders, and you know how to handle your shit. Never once did you lie to me, even if the truth was ripping my heart out. Whether the painful truth be that you no longer loved me, or that you still cared about me. But hurt equally. You’re gorgeous, and loving, and hilarious. None of that has changed. And I will always think these things about you, simply because they’re the truth.
You’ve said some things that have killed me. You’ve been downright mean to me. Hostile and cut off and distant. But I needed this also. I won’t say I’m over you yet. Cause I’m not. But I am ready to move on. You were my first true love. And I will never forget all those small little things you did that made me fall in love with you all over again every time you did them.
Like the way you’d scrunch your nose up when I’d tell you you’re beautiful. Or the way you’d look at me when you wanted a kiss. Or the way you’d completely ignore me when I wanted one. I won’t forget all those silly kisses we shared, or how we could both lay in your bed together, shaking, and not say a word. Just hold onto each other and let love happen. I won’t forget our first kiss…or our last. Or any of the ones in between. I won’t forget holding hands under the covers, or watching you sleep.
I’ll will hold these memories deep in my heart forever. They will always be a part of me. And though we may go seperate ways in life and never speak again, they will hold us together. Cause for two and a half wonderful years, you and I were one. You knew everything about me and vice versa. And even though our time for love is over, we will both love again. We will both hurt again. But we will always be a part of each others lives. I made you truly happy for years, and to know that I did that is enough for me. To know that from time to time, I still may cross your mind is enough for me.
Me- Ms. Mount bought this cockapoo for 3,000 dollars that she can’t keep and she’s selling it for five hundred. Mom- You’re barking up the wrong tree. Pun intended. Me- But it’s so cute! Mom- So are you, and I wouldn’t pay 500 dollars for you. Me- Oh. Well, thanks. x)
Her- I miss my boyfriend. Me- Oh, by the way, I heard you got your first kiss. Her- GAH! -hits head on table- Me- What’s wrong with that? Was it not enjoyable? Her- -muffeled- I don’t wanna talk about it. Me- Was he a bad kisser? Her- I DON’T WANT TO DISCUSS THIS. Me- Oh yeah, you’re too innocent. Sorry. -Laughs- Her- Don’t be an ass. Me- Since when do you say ass. Her- Since I’m a rebel. Kissing boys and saying ass, I’m a baaaad girl, Dani. Me- Anyways… These conversations are the one thing yearbook’s good for. x)
I miss you. I miss us. I think back about the time we had together, in person and otherwise. The breathtaking kisses, the sleepy late night talks, those times that your touch make me go crazy. I remember walking with you in public, holding hands and kissing, strangers shooting us dirty looks, and not giving a damn cause I was with you and it just plain didn’t matter.
I miss how good we used to be at working thing out. How we never ever got into fights. How you could always make me laugh and had the ability to cheer me up in two seconds when I was upset. How you always seemed to know just how to make my heart soar. Looking into your eyes and seeing them so filled with love I just had to look away.
I remember sneaking kisses anywhere we could. When your mom went to the bathroom while we were watching a movie, when we were in the kitchen getting food. Anytime somebody turned their head. I remember getting so mad that you wouldn’t kiss me sometimes. I was so in love. So devastatingly in love.
And now here we are, constantly fighting, pulling away from each other. It’s been two and a half years, and my ring is on your finger, and I can’t believe this is happening to us. We were so perfect. And you claim you love me, you claim to want to make this work, but at the same time you know exactly what’s wrong and you’re just not doing anything to fix it.
I don’t get it. You’re all I see in my future. That’s it. You me, and our kids. Our big house we talked about, and the small little wedding we planned. Us. Together. Forever. More than just “Till death do us part”. How is this happening?
It breaks my fucking heart. My whole future, my whole life, is shattering in front of my eyes. And I’m left here, falling, and you’re not there to catch me. Soon I’m gong to break into a million pieces, just like glass. That’s what will happen if we don’t fix this. Please tell me you’re going to fix this. Please.
“If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door in the country”—Harvey Milk, on the tape to be played in the event of his assassination (via lgbtoutreach) (via fuckyeahlgbt)
I will never understand why the teenage generation always feels the need to be this unknown thing called “cool”. What makes you cool anyways? The clothes you wear, the people you hang out with, the drugs you do, the size of your clothing? Conforming. Twisting yourself to become something you’re not so life just may be a little easier for you. It’s ridiculous.
It seems to me that being gay has become the cool thing to do. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come out to people and there response has been “Oh really, me too?” Yeah, well, have you kissed a girl? Have you had sex with a girl? Have you been in love with a girl? No? Oh, and now you’re going to come bragging to me about how cute this guy who talked to you was. Yeahhh, something tells me you’re not as gy as you thought you were. I mean, I get it, the female body is a gorgeous thing and there is absolutely nothing wrong with a straight woman admiring it. But it’s when you have a passion for it that makes a difference. When you want to touch and hold and love and smother it. When you want to wrap yourself in it and stay forever. When you fall in love with it even though it bleeds ad cramps and pops out kids.
When you can love the female persona, that’s when you can label yourself gay.
Now I’m not here to tell people how to live. Just to merely give my opinion. Hopefully offer to guidance to those that may be confused.
It was my lucky day today on Avenue A when a lady in a limousine drove my way. She said, “Dah-ling, be a dear, haven’t slept in a year i need your help to make my neighbors yappy dog disappear! This Akita, Evita, just won’t shut up! I believe if you play non-stop that pup will breathe its very last high-strung breath. I’m certain that cur will bark itself to death!” We agreed on a fee, a thousand dollars gurantee, tax-free, and a bonus if i trim her tree. Now who could fortell that it would go so well? But sure as i am here that dog is now in doggy hell!
Appearance: I am 5’4 or shorter. I have many scars. I tan easily. I wish my hair was a different colour. I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color. I have a tattoo. I am self-conscious about my appearance. I have/I’ve had braces. I wear glasses / contacts. I’d get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free, scar-free. I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger. I have more than 2 piercings. I have piercings in places besides my ears. I have freckles.
Family/Home Life: I’ve sworn at my parents. I’ve been kicked out of the house. I have a sibling less than one year old. I want to have kids someday. I have children. I’ve lost a child.
Embarrassment: I’ve slipped out a “lol” in a spoken conversation. Disney movies still make me cry. I’ve snorted while laughing. I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried. I’ve glued my hand to something. I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose. I’ve had my pants rip in public.
Health: I was born with a disease/impairment. I’ve had stitches. I’ve broken a bone. I’ve had my tonsils removed. I’ve sat in a doctor’s office with a friend. I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed. I’ve had surgery. I’ve had chicken pox.
Traveling: I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day. I’ve been to Canada. I’ve been to Niagara Falls. I’ve been to Japan. I’ve Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans. I’ve been to Spain. I’ve been to Africa. I’ve been to France.
Experiences: I’ve been lost in a/my city. I’ve seen a shooting star. I’ve wished on a shooting star. I’ve seen a meteor shower. I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas. I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator. I’ve been to a casino. I’ve been skydiving. I’ve gone skinny dipping. I’ve played spin the bottle. I’ve been in a car crash. I’ve been skiing. I’ve been in a play. I’ve met someone in person from the internet. I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue. I’ve seen the Northern Lights. I’ve sat on a roof top at night. I’ve played chicken. I’ve played a prank on someone. I’ve ridden in a taxi. I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I’ve eaten Sushi. I’ve been snowboarding.
Relationships: I’m single. I’m in a relationship. I’m available. I’m engaged. I’m married. I’ve gone on a blind date. I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper. I miss someone right now. I have a fear of abandonment. I’ve been divorced. I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back. I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t. I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did. I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
Sexuality: I’ve had a crush on someone of the same gender. I’ve kissed a member of the same gender. I’ve had sex with more than one person at the same time. I am a cuddler. I’ve been kissed in the rain. I’ve had sex outdoors. I’ve hugged a stranger. I have kissed a stranger. I have had sex with a stranger.
Honesty/Crime: I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t. I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t. I have lied to my parents about where I am. I am keeping a secret from the world. I’ve cheated while playing a game. I’ve cheated on a test. I’ve run a red light. I’ve been suspended from school. I’ve witnessed a crime. I’ve been in a fist fight. I’ve been arrested. I’ve shoplifted.
Drugs/Alcohol: I’ve consumed alcohol. I’ve smoked a cigarette. I‘ve smoked pot. I regularly drink. I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them. I’ve done hard drugs. I’ve been addicted to an illegal drug.